Experiences of parents and carers of young trans and gender diverse people

I’ve been to a couple of the meetings. They were very much run by parents just there talking about their experiences without anyone necessarily with an agenda to teach you anything or share anything specific. It’s more of an open discussion. And sometimes it’s not even talking about transgender issues. It’s just a group of people getting together having a catch-up on their lives. I think for the mums just to sort of have a, and I say mums and sometimes dads there as well, just to go to a group where everyone doesn’t feel like they stand out and to be in a situation where you feel as much like you fit in as possible is a very welcoming environment for people when they feel they are isolated or don’t really fit in in the way they may have felt before.

I think I’m really lucky that I have a good friendship network. Like I said quite a lot of them have good backgrounds in CAMHS. Actually his care coordinator in CAMHS has been really supportive. That helps him. I think finally they’re getting it. 

I think that's where, that's where something like Mermaids absolutely gets it right, because there's, there's this online forum so if you have a question you can just put it up there and then it's like a conversation and lots of people will come on and talk to you about it. And the fact that you can, you can go on the web chat or you can go on the helpline. And I think for young people and for families I think that's absolutely, you know, I think that's absolutely brilliant. And I think that's a fantastic approach. Whereas it's more a case of you talking to someone. You know, whether it's you're talking online or talking on a phone or whatever. You know, so that you can just speak to somebody, I think that's really, really helpful for people.

The only person that wasn’t supportive was my husband. And I reached out for some signposting to help us manage that situation as he’s very much more traditionally minded in terms of gender specific roles within family work, anywhere than I am. And unfortunately, I telephoned Mermaids for that information and unfortunately got a really, really negative response. So, they’ve been very positive in terms of providing links and signposting when I first approached them. But then, when I wanted more specific nurturing support they were very dismissive of that and very black and white and just said, ‘Well, you know, sometimes you just have to leave people behind.’ Which I didn’t think was helpful at all. And I didn’t, I don’t believe I contacted them since that point for any support.

Cause you just feel, you just feel lost without the information you need to help you understand what's happening with your child and that you, there's nothing wrong with the child. I think as well that to navigate, to navigate all the things that are being said in the media and what other people, friends or family say, all these things that people are telling you all the time about what you should or shouldn't be doing to support your child. If you've got a network of support there with other people that are having similar experiences, you can come to a better understanding about what's happening to yourself without anybody's sort of uniformed views coming into play all the time, which I think, I think might happen if you didn't have that support.

So, the youth club that my son goes to also runs a parent group. And I’ve been to that a couple of times and that’s great. That’s really, you know, it’s really helpful. But there’s such a mix of people there. I have only been twice. And they had a session yesterday and I didn’t go, because it’s just sometimes it makes me feel worse, because I don’t particularly have a problem, I don’t think. Maybe I do and I’m just not facing things, I don’t know. But it’s like day to day, I feel fine. And I don’t feel upset and it’s just not an issue for us. So, actually going along and talking about it makes it more upsetting somehow. Maybe I need to do that. I don’t know. And also some people, there are parents there that really struggle. And I don’t feel that I have much to offer them because so far, I haven’t found it a struggle. But there’re also people a lot different points in their journey. So, some people’s children are much older. So, they’re going through treatment or they’ve just started treatment. Or they’re not at school anymore and they are now at university or at work. So, and it’s only a small group. So, actually, you do still all have very individual experiences. So, sometimes ‘cos we’re quite, feel like we’re the newbies. We are quite new to this. And not having some of those issues. And I’m not necessarily the greatest like group sharer. So it’s helpful and it’s helpful to know it’s there and I appreciate the sentiment and I think it’s great that it’s there. We did have a session from people that came from the Gender Identity Development Service, but for the adults. And they came to give us information and discussion and that was really helpful. So, I think where I can get information, I find it really helpful. Where it’s more about sharing experiences that hasn’t been as helpful.

I have a friend who has, has a Facebook group and but I don't really do online, so I don't have Facebook and I don't really—and I don't really, I don’t really engage with people like that. I find it very difficult to tap things in and interact. There's a WhatsApp group. But it's very lightweight and sort of more heartfelt stuff you would do in the group, I'm not really that keen to do online. But I'm sure, as parents coming through and they're younger, I'm sure the online thing would be great for them. It's just not me, really.