Teresa & Andrew

Our daughter initially came out as being transgender at the age 13. And I suspect prior to that I think as a mum, I, and she’s the youngest. So I think I always thought that she was slightly different to the others, purely by, you know, mannerisms and friendship groups and things like that. And I know I suppose that this maybe a little bit of a cliché, but I would have thought, at some point she would have said she was gay. However, it was transgender, which was a completely different ball game and I hadn’t really had any knowledge about it to be quite truthful I mean, I was aware that there were transgender children and people out there, but I wasn’t really. So it, it did come as a bit of a bolt from the blue, I have to say.

How was that? How was the experience with CAMHS?

Well, it was okay. We, we managed to get, we had to wait maybe about four or five months. And then we kept on phoning up and eventually we got there in the evening. They put on extra clinics in the evening and so we got to see them after about four months. Well, it was a very straightforward interview with the psychiatric nurse who then referred [participant’s child’s name] onto one of the psychiatrists. And then [participant’s child’s name] went to see the psychiatrist one afternoon with my wife. I think I was working at the time. Bit of paperwork, ask a few questions and then they referred [participant’s child’s name] onto the [Gender Identity Development Service]. It’s quite straightforward really. We didn’t have any major issues with CAMHS.

What do you think is important for GPs to be aware of when working with young trans and gender diverse people? What would be useful?

Well I think to start with, I think they need to have it included in their education, so that by the time they come to be a GP they have some insights and knowledge into transgender issues for starters. And I wish, I wish that GPs would be able to offer a bit more support. When you go and speak to them about transgender, your transgender child they don’t really know what to do. They don’t really know what to say. I think they probably aren’t that many transgender kids in the population. So GPs don’t come across it maybe that often. Obviously, I think they’re gonna come across it a lot more in the future. But they just don’t see enough transgender kids to really get familiar with it.

Well the private GP specialist prescribes the medications. There were two. There’s a testosterone blocker which works on the brain, reduces the production of testosterone. Well, almost completely suppresses the production of testosterone, which stops male puberty. I give her an injection, intramuscular injection every three months. I email the GP specialist, they prescribe it. They send a link to the chemist who sends me a link, three days later it comes in the post. Being an ex-healthcare professional, I have no problem giving my daughter an injection. Most parents wouldn’t have a, wouldn’t, wouldn’t be able to. I understand that completely. And I don’t know what they would do. Perhaps they would find because the GPs are unhappy to do it, because they don’t prescribe it. Why should they give it. If there’s a problem, why should they deal with that problem? So, so I don’t know how other parents would get around, who would do the injection, I really don’t know. For us, it hasn’t been a problem, ‘cos I do it. I used to give injections every day in my career. Every three months we do a blood test to check on the levels of testosterone and oestrogen. She also takes an oestrogen gel now as well to encourage breast development more female shape around the hips. Yeah.

We went through CAMHS. You’ve got to go through CAMHS to get to the [Gender Identity Development Service], which was the name of the clinic that was given to us by the private counsellor. We didn’t know it existed. So we got our GP to refer [participant’s child’s name] to the [Gender Identity Development Service]. And we finally, after about two years on the waiting list April this year, we eventually got to see two people from the [Gender Identity Development Service], at the [name of the city] clinic. They’ve just opened a clinic in [name of the city] where, where you can go instead of going to London. But they weren’t, they weren’t, they couldn’t, they couldn’t help us. We waited two years to see them and when we got to see them, they were, there was nothing they could do, apart from psycho-social support, there was nothing they could do, because she’s not adult, yet. What we’ve, what we’ve missed out, so far is that, we went private to a private specialist, medical specialist who prescribes testosterone blocker and oestrogen for our daughter. So she, we we’ve been, we’ve been giving her that for a couple of years now. We pay for that. Every three months I give her an injection to suppress the testosterone and she applies her own oestrogen patches. So that, we’ve been doing that in the meantime to pause puberty, ‘cos that was the, that was the most crucial thing for our daughter was to pause puberty and not develop into a man. That became the dominant factor in all of this. So we went private. We did that and because the NHS couldn’t, couldn’t help us.

Well the private GP specialist prescribes the medications. There were two. There’s a testosterone blocker which works on the brain, reduces the production of testosterone. Well, almost completely suppresses the production of testosterone, which stops male puberty. I give her an injection, intramuscular injection every three months. I email the GP specialist, they prescribe it. They send a link to the chemist who sends me a link, three days later it comes in the post. Being an ex-healthcare professional, I have no problem giving my daughter an injection. Most parents wouldn’t have a, wouldn’t be able to. I understand that completely. And I don’t know what they would do. Perhaps they would find because the GPs are unhappy to do it, because they don’t prescribe it. Why should they give it. If there’s a problem, why should they deal with that problem? So, so I don’t know how other parents would get around, who, who would, who would do the injection, I really don’t know. For us, it hasn’t been a problem, ‘cos I do it. I used to give injections every day, in my career. Every three months we do a blood test to check on the levels of testosterone and oestrogen. She also takes an oestrogen gel now as well to encourage breast development more female shape around the hips. Yeah.

How, how has the treatment been for your daughter? How is she, how does she find it?

It’s all, the first couple of injections she didn’t look forward to very much, but she always knew that it was the only way to get what she wanted was to have these injections. So now it’s no big deal now. Yeah, easy.

We thought maybe they, that they struggle, the school would maybe struggle with these issues, ‘cos maybe we thought that we were the only parents on the planet that were going through this. But, of course the school told us that there’ve been three or four children before, before ours that transitioned in the school. So they were quite familiar with it, actually. And then we had a meeting with the teachers, didn’t we? And got everything out and sorted and—that was the essence of it.

We had to inform the school, because things were getting a little bit tricky with regards to PE and, and changing rooms and sports, ‘cos it’s a typical school where boys play football and rugby and girls played hockey and netball. So and the school, in fairness got on board with it and were very supportive and just said, whatever our daughter wanted to do then that was absolutely fine by them. They just still wanted her to continue with her schooling and they would make it so sport was completely out. She didn’t have to attend any sport.

Well it seems to be on TV now, fairly regularly, the issues of transgender kids and adults. But the quality of the programmes I don’t think is very good.

What do you think is wrong with them?

It’s all a bit tabloid. They talk about transgender kids and families and they interview parents and but I’m, I, unless you’ve got a child that’s going through it, it’s these parents don’t really ever understand. I’ve seen some negative stuff on TV. Parents who don’t have transgender kids, giving their opinions on transgender kids. What do they know? They think it’s wrong. They think it’s a, anti-religious. They think it’s whatever. They think it’s wrong. But they don’t understand what they’re talking about, some of these parents, the negative parents that express that, you know.

Well I walk the dogs most mornings with three or four guys down the park. They’re probably, two of them are older than me. One’s about the same, all from different walks of life. And we walk around the fields nearly every morning and there is a transgender lady that lives down the road who used to be a nurse. I remember before she transitioned, twenty years ago I knew this person. Anyway, she walks her dog down the park, sometimes at the same time as us and, and we can see her from a distance. And these three guys would often make little comments about this person, derogatory comments jokes, call it what you want to, really. And I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with this, really. I wasn’t quite sure how to, how to handle this. Do I keep quiet? Just get on with it. Do I tell them that our youngest is transgender and that I’m telling you think guys because I don’t want you to say stuff that’s gonna make me angry. So I came out one day and told them in the morning, I said, ‘Just to let you know guys, ‘cos you talk about it when you see this lady and our youngest is transgender.’ And then there was a slightly awkward, awkward pause for twenty seconds, whatever and then somebody might say, ‘Oh gosh.’ You know. ‘That’s interesting.’ And then maybe I just tried to explain it in a nutshell what, what it’s all about maybe in a couple of sentences. But anyway they know that our youngest is transgender. I felt the need to tell them, because I wasn’t happy with them making jokes about this transgender lady that we occasionally see down the park.

And have they stopped making these jokes?

Yeah, they have, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think they, because they know that we have a transgender child that they probably think about that before they open their mouth and make some derogatory comment.

Initially, when your child first tells you that they think they’re in the wrong gender, living in the wrong gender. It’s something that you don’t ever think is going to happen. So it’s a, it comes as a bit of a shock, bit of a surprise. And then you have to deal with everything that comes thereafter. You have to see your child change the way they live. Dress differently, hair, make-up, clothes and it just takes a bit of getting used to, really, as a parent.

You worry, you worry greatly that your child’s gonna be happy, long term. But I think all parents worry about that anyway. But especially if your child is transgender, you just worry that they’re gonna be happy. You want them to be happy. And you’ll do anything to try and make them find happiness as best they can. We’ll do everything we can for our daughter. But, at the end of the day, of course, it it’s only her that can really find true happiness within herself. So, I suppose everything we’re doing is just to try and get her to that stage, in the future when she’ll be able to sit back and relax and live the life that she wants to live.

Try and try and be a bit more understanding of the psychological and medical needs of trans kids and their families. When you go to a GP it’s very much, I find it’s very much the medical problem is, is all they want to see and talk about. But there’s so much more to do with, it’s a huge minefield, trans, transgender, having a transgender kid. It’s a big, it’s a challenging time for everyone.’