Cassie

Information sharing and everything else. The problem with it often is it’s unfiltered or unregulated and you know, one reputable source might be drowned in ten unreputable, histrionic or whatever else and there is a lot of misinformation out there. But, you know, I’m also part of like a trans DIY discord that has, you know, biochemists and pharmacologists and you know, other people and people having quite high level sort of academic discussion around how to best go about self-medding you know, and sharing links and resources and you know, okay, do this, you know, giving people access stuff, which I think is really important and you know, quite encouraging as an academic and as a scientist that people are that willing to go out of their way into and devote their time to these things and you know, and sometimes, you know, I’m very fortunate in that I have a IRL support community. But like, few people on the discord killed themselves over the last couple of months, you know, and it’s because it’s, you know, and that does affect you and also it’s just a realisation of like it’s tough out there, you know, it was tough for me and it is tough for me and like I’ve said, I’ve got it pretty good. You know, so I think those spaces are really important and like you know, that they’re curated and managed in a way that is responsible and sensitive and reactive to the needs of the community I think is really important.

So, there are GPs around here. Ok, so they are actually as it goes very good. Everyone knows in like out the people that I know, the trans community at least within the university everyone knows the good GPs and GP practices and good GPs within those practices. You know, word gets around. Have I ever heard of anyone getting a prescription, don’t be ridiculous, of course not. You know, no GP around here will prescribe a bridging prescription. I’ve never heard of anyone get a bridging prescription, in fact. I can explain what a bridging prescription is. So, a bridging prescription is HRT prescribed on the NHS whilst you are waiting for a GIC appointment, they won’t do it. They won’t do [clears throat] they won’t do bloods so they won’t do sex hormones. I was very lucky in that because I have a good relationship with my GP, he basically said, look, you haven’t had any bloods done for a year, I can effectively wrangle that will include a sex hormone you know, in with your other baseline blood stuff that we’ll do, but beyond that you are on your own. I’m sorry but we can’t do surveillance. The LGBT centre can’t do surveillance either, but they will, at least do liver function tests and sexual health screening. I would be really, really useful if they could, but again they need an endocrinologist.

What’s been specifically helpful when supporting you in terms of mental health?

Other people. Other trans people, because you know, there is that just yeah, being able to identify having that shared experience and having that identification with other people about your experiences and yeah, yeah, I think that’s also been hugely important. And I don’t think it’s only just been with like other trans women. It’s also been with like just trans, trans people, generally. So everyone under the umbrella and so non-binary people and gender nonconforming people, people who aren’t even trans. You know like or wouldn’t define themselves as trans.] Yeah and like trans mascs and trans femmes and yeah, you know, my support is 90% social.

I think the systemic sort of structuring of healthcare at the moment is completely inadequate. Let’s not get it wrong. This is one of the best countries in the world to be trans in. It’s still like yeah, as I’m fond of saying, I’ve got it pretty much as good as it comes and it’s still really hard.

You are talking about as it comes in terms of financial—

I’m white. I’m privately educated, more than that, I’m a medical student. I know how to navigate a consultation. I know what I’m entitled to. I know how to ask questions. I know how to seek out services. I know what I can work out for myself how to self-med and how to do that as safe it is possible to do without any medical sort of interventional blood taking laboratorial sort of, you know, oversight. I know where all the services here are. I’m highly educated. I’m, you know, other than having pretty severe mental health issues, right, you know, I’m well supported. I’ve got a good support network. I’m, you know, English speaking you know, well spoken, whatever else you wanna say, right. And it’s still really difficult.

It’s an uncomfortable thing. Most trans people that I know have an ambivalent at best relationship, like binary trans people at the least have an ambivalent at best relationship with their genitals. So, you know, going to the sexual health clinic is not fun, ever for anyone. Whatever can be done to normalise and explain the decisions that’s been made and why things are structured the way they are structured. And again like, I don't know, part of me sometimes feels like, oh no are we asking too much, but like, is it too much to be asking that non-gendered language be used? Use they use like, you know, and again, I know people sort of well TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist)* in particular get up in arms about people with vaginas but just like, you know, biological female. Like, you know, that’s something. Though not necessarily a woman. You know, I don't know. Like, again, do I have the answers for this? No. I know what I’d like. But like do I think that would necessarily be acceptable to a cis majority population, no. Do I think ultimately, you know, it’s always a balance between what we’re going to be able to demand for ourselves and what we’re not going to be accepted for asking for, sometimes. Maybe it’s a bit pessimistic.

*See here for an introduction Pearce, R., Erikainen, S. and Vincent, B., (2020). TERF wars: An introduction. The Sociological Review, 68(4), pp.677-698.

And right, like you know, if you wanna talk about media more generally like a YouTuber that I loved you know, raising that amount of money and getting that amount of people and me being able to and seeing like a pop culture event that was about explicitly about me.

H Bomb.

Yeah. H Bomb donkey kong stream, right. That was really, that, people were overjoyed because like and I think one of the nicest things about it was it was just, you know, he eventually just shut up and played video games and you heard trans woman after trans woman after trans person after trans person, trans person of colour. All of these voices just being allowed to be platformed and I was hearing people, like me, being treated as individuals and academics and intellectuals and you know, as people who had a voice and were able to contribute meaningfully to their own debate and to actually have a debate beyond like the ontological questions of whether we exist or not, right? There’s a lot more to being trans and like there’s a lot more trans people are wonderful people, you know. And it’s fucking tough, do you know what I mean? And actually like in that adversity comes great art and opinion and insight and everything else. You know, and I would love for that to be what your average person thought of the, you know, trans people in media. I would love, for example, that they stop putting people’s fucking dead names and you know, before pictures when they fucking do articles of people, thank you very much. Yeah. But I yeah, you know, I, for a number of reasons, I don’t engage with much mainstream media anymore.

Be safe. Mermaids [organisation], find reputable sources of information. Yeah, be safe. Fuck I’d love to sit here and say, come out, be yourself, no. I remember what being trans and a teenager was like – be safe. There will come a time where you can do it.

And you are not alone. I know it’s corny and you know, and it sounds like you know, there should be violins, you know, swelling in the background, but yeah, you’re not alone. Yeah and if you can and you feel safe doing it, talk to people about it. Find good people that you can trust and you can prove to yourself that you can trust and talk to them. And, you know, I would pick every trans child up by the shoulders and shake them and say, there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with this. You have nothing to be ashamed of.