Psychosis
Support from family, friends and partners
Many people mentioned the importance of friends, family and partners for their well-being, though not all had supportive friends or family they could rely on. Supportive people could help them through hard times, including when they were ill. Other people could also support their recovery. This section describes how friends, family and partners supported them as adults - giving emotional support, financial help, a place to stay, and even help with personal care when they were unwell. A few people could stay with their family and so didn’t have to be admitted to hospital. However, several people had an unsupportive family, and some had experienced highly traumatic events within their family, including sexual or physical abuse by a close relative (see ‘View about causes and traumatic experiences’ and ‘Childhood and life before diagnosis’).
Giving and receiving support
Overall people’s relationships with family members were complex, yet often these relationships helped. For example, family members could speak on their behalf or reassure them when necessary. At other times people’s close relatives were the first people to notice that something wasn’t ‘quite right’. Tom said that his mum had thought he had an early stage of schizophrenia and suggested he should go to a day centre to get the care he needed. A mother we spoke to paid for her son’s flat for six months so he had a familiar place to return to after coming out of hospital.
Annie's parents believed in her, helped her financially and practically, and held onto a sense of...
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I just think kind of, I think they’ve not given up on me. I think that’s the main thing. Is that when I sort of, you know, I’d had 18 months off, they then didn’t say tough shit, you’ve missed your A levels. You know, then when I sort of actually had gap years at university and time out, they then didn’t say, “Tough shit. We’re not going to help you finish.” You know, they sort of helped me practically, they’ve helped me financially, they’ve helped me, kind of, I mean emotionally they’ve helped me. I mean I speak to Mum every day, mostly in the mornings, because I think partly because of my medication I’m not great in the mornings. So, you know, she does phone every day, and I guess if I was, well I know if I was like 100% well she wouldn’t, because she doesn’t phone my siblings every day and they’re similar age to me, whereas she does to me, and sees that I’m okay and stuff. So yes. I guess just not giving up on me.
And I guess still knowing that kind of when I was like away with fairies still kind of holding onto that kind of sense of me, the sense of [name], and that I am fundamentally a nice person and you know, that’s what my Mum and Dad have always sort of hung onto. They’ve always said, you know, even at my worst, and when I got absolutely talking shite that, you know, and they used to be very like that with staff, they used to be, she’s a lovely girl [laughs]. Yes. I don’t think they’ve kind of forgotten who I was even at my absolut… which must have been bloody difficult really what happened at 17, 18, especially for Dad. Yes. So, yes. They didn’t just, yes holding on to who I am really. And giving me the opportunities, yes, not kind of saying right, not like, saying you’ve messed up, tough.
When Pete had acute appendicitis and was admitted to hospital, his partner had to persuade the...
When Pete had acute appendicitis and was admitted to hospital, his partner had to persuade the...
People told us that their carers could go to extraordinary lengths to help. Tim's mother looked after him for over 30 years until her death. Two carers we spoke to talked about fighting to get things done, like access to services such as talking therapies, and to get the right physical care on a psychiatric ward.
People didn’t just need caring for. Some also had caring responsibilities. For example, people cared for children, elderly relatives and partners. Colin now helps to look after his elderly father, as well as his sister who has bipolar affective disorder.
Rachel finds that because her partner also has schizophrenia their relationship is complicated....
Rachel finds that because her partner also has schizophrenia their relationship is complicated....
Rachel feels guilty that she cannot look after her son and wonders how she might feel better...
Rachel feels guilty that she cannot look after her son and wonders how she might feel better...
One of the nicest techniques my psychologist taught me was the compassionate friend. Have you heard of that?
Yes. But say a bit about it?
Yes, I will do, it’s lovely. Because I’d go in and I’d feel awful and I’d feel very guilty about not looking after my son properly and I would have been down, and I wouldn’t have had much energy so I would have confessed that I hadn’t taken him out enough or done enough with him and things like that. And my psychologist would say, “What would a compassionate friend say?” And I would always come up with the same answer and that was quite strange actually. I would say, “I’m doing the best I can at the time.” And it would take the guilt away. It was just giving me permission to do what I do but not feel bad about it, and that was a really good technique and it’s one that I keep now, you know, you’re doing the best you can at the time, you know, and that is, has been really valuable for me. So I’m glad that I’m glad that he taught me that technique. Because it sort of saves you from the upset. And guilt’s quite a big thing when you’ve got a kid I think.
Some people felt that having their family or partner care for them didn’t particularly help. For example, being cared for could bring back painful memories of childhood such as when a parent who had previously been uncaring or even abusive. Caring could also confuse the roles people had. When Janey’s husband stopped being involved in her psychiatric care, she felt relieved that he was her ‘husband’ and not involved in her medical care.
Seeing her parents made Nada feel worse; when she tried to tell them this, her dad accepted it...
Seeing her parents made Nada feel worse; when she tried to tell them this, her dad accepted it...
Relationships when people were unwell
Many people worried about the strain that their mental distress could put on their family. They talked about having became suspicious of family or friends whom they had previously trusted. In particular, upsetting events like suicide attempts could be difficult to work through and affected their relationships.
At one point Green Lettuce thought that everyone in the hospital was trying to wind him up and...
At one point Green Lettuce thought that everyone in the hospital was trying to wind him up and...
At one point I was meant go to hospital for a day and overnight. I can’t remember the exact reason why, but I just didn’t like it at all, so I phoned my Dad up and came home. I didn’t even believe, like, because I was trying to get to see a doctor and they were just saying that you have to wait, and I was waiting like four or five hours it was ridiculous. I couldn’t see anyone. So I, and I couldn’t believe that they were lying, because at this time, obviously I thought everyone was, was against me, and I thought they, they were just doing it on purpose, made me worse. It did. That actually made it worse. So I really did thing they were just trying to make me worse. Even though they probably weren’t. It was just they were too busy.
And then when you said everybody was against you, did you also think about your family and friends?
No. Not really. When I went, I was in the hospital, I didn’t bel… I thought like when I phoned my Dad up to get him to pick me up from the hospital, that it wasn’t actually my Dad on the phone, even though I knew it was his voice, but I thought it had been someone from hospital winding me up. And I had to like ask him questions that only he would know, to prove that it was him. That’s like what I was thinking at the time. They were just winding me up.
A few people said they had been violent to their family when they were very unwell. Peter had woken up in a night terror and saw a nightmarish vision, upon which he tried to strangle his wife.
Lorenz heard voices telling him to hurt himself with knives, and saw a distorted image of himself...
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Only very few people talked about being violent towards their family when they were unwell, and this was nearly always when they were drunk. Most people had felt very upset by violent thoughts or voices encouraging violence, saying they would never act on them.
Naveed heard voices telling him to harm his daughter, and felt so upset by this that he bought...
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They say so many bad things, but I personally feel the worst thing they ever said to me was, I woke up one morning and I wasn’t feeling very well, and I think my daughter must have been about four or five, three or four years old then. And they said, “Get that pillow and smother her.”
And what I did, I got out of bed. Because she was lying in her cot ain’t it. I got out of bed. I didn’t get dressed. I was wearing my nightclothes, grabbed some money and cigarettes, I went to a shop, bought some cigarettes, bought some razor blades and I was going to do myself in on that particular day, because I… why did those voices tell me to do, you know, that to my daughter and what if I had done it, you know. So I’d rather die than do that to my daughter. You know, so …
I think some people might say, “Oh how come that was the worst thing like. Because they told you to do something to your daughter. They way they’ve criticised you, and said things about you, that’s a lot worse.” But for me, personally, I don’t care about the criticism they, they give me and the way they criticise me, and made my life hell sometimes, but that was the worst thing when they asked me to actually smother my daughter.
Many people talked about the importance of family and friends to their well-being and recovery. People said that being with friends who drank too much or took too many drugs did not help. Friendships were also sometimes hard work, but the ‘right’ friendships could help with everyday life, and even help recovery. For example, Nada talked about her flatmates at university cooking for her when she first became unwell. They also recognised the signs of becoming distressed another time so that they could contact her family for help. Another spoke about friends who would still ring them, even when they couldn’t go out.
Robert and his partner talk about how important support from her has been when he hears voices.
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Robert and his partner talk about how important support from her has been when he hears voices.
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Partner' It’s difficult when we go out as well.
Robert' Yes, yes.
Partner' Sometimes when we go out, he thinks he hears something and he’s like, well if he said that, I’m going to him and it’s like no don’t, because he might not have even said it, he might have been talking to someone else. So truthfully it’s like in a way he’s lucky because when we go shopping I’m there to stop him, in case he does do something stupid, because I just know where it’s going to get him.
Many people had lost friends since becoming unwell, and some even preferred to have friends they had met in psychiatric services to other friends, as fellow patients knew more about their difficulties.
Dolly had been crying on a ward, and no nurse came to comfort her but another patient bought her...
Dolly had been crying on a ward, and no nurse came to comfort her but another patient bought her...
Others preferred more of a mix of friends, or people with whom they could talk about things like music, photography or football - in other words, topics not just to do with mental health.
Despite all the support outlined here, people also talked about bad reactions from friends, family and others when people realised that they had a psychiatric illness. For more on these reactions see ‘Reactions of others and stigma’.
Last reviewed July 2017.
Last updated April 2014.
Last reviewed July 2017.
Last updated April 2014.
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